So I used to be a fundamentalist Christian and loved to tell people they were going to hell.
Tag: Short stories
Ted the Twat
Ted went bright red, his nostrils flared and his mouth pursed. His mouth reminded me of a hairy arsehole, all pursed lipped like that and wispy hair around his top lip. I thought about voicing my observation but he was still trying to process the fact I had called him a cunt.
Obnoxious Brits Abroad
I know I would be happy not to serve a half naked, sun burnt British guy who asked for Omelette and chips instead of gorgeous locally produced tapas.
Rural Racists Worried about Immigration
A racist from a small, rural village is fuming about open borders and mass immigration.
Mr Almost (5 minutes)
Tony suddenly panicked. He wasn’t quite sure what he was ‘doing’ and how to keep doing it ‘like that.’ Tony felt like a novice plumber stabbing a plunger down a toilet hoping he would hit the right thing to unblock it. In this case his plunger was randomly pumping and miraculously making this girl happy. He had no idea how and he was also surprised he was four minutes in and still able to use his plunger.
Bloody Cotton Buds
Dating is tiring. It’s exciting to meet someone you think is hot as hell and you hope thinks you’re a bit of alright too. But dating is exhausting because it feels a bit like a marketing campaign and you’re the campaign manager whose previous experience involved designing a Clip Art poster on Word.
Tom Haward 