Rural Racists Worried about Immigration

A racist from a small, rural village is fuming about open borders and mass immigration. John Smith is concerned about the security of his local bowls club and the severe rise in crime he has seen lately. “I saw on my local Facebook community page that Tommy Robinson had been here and exposed a local paedophile ring. These sick bastards also stole our bowling balls.” Mr Smith did say though, “None of us noticed any missing bowling balls but those immigrants probably stole some and put some fakes in which could easily be bombs disguised as balls.”  Mr Smith jabbered on about Tommy for PM before drooling over pictures of scantily clad celebrities in his Daily Mail.

Residents are concerned that unless Brexit means Brexit their quaint town will be overrun by terrorists and immigrants. Ms Windsor commented anonymously, “We’re full up. How can we fit any more in?” as she cantered across her 23 acres of farmland on her horse. “And besides,” she continued, “My farrier, Stephen, shows I’m not racist as why would I employ him if I was?”  Stephen, the farrier, was born in Essex and has a slightly darker complexion. He remains confused when Ms Windsor asks him each week, “But where are you really from?”

“I’m not racist, but,” started Gary, the local racist, “They just want to come here and live a life of luxury using my hard earned wages.” Gary can usually be found in his local pub drinking through the day using money from cash in hand jobs he does on the side.

The white, middle class village boasts of its inclusiveness and multiculturalism because there’s an Indian restaurant in the town centre and the owner Abdul, “Isn’t like the others. He works hard.” Abdul takes great delight in repeatedly hearing how he’s, “One of the good ones,” when his customers have drank too much Indian lager and left a shitty tip because, “They don’t need as much to live on as we do.”

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